Category Archives: Trauma Resolution Newcastle

Trauma Relief Hypnotherapy Newcastle

Suffering trauma and being traumatised is a horrendous experience. Primarily because trauma such as PTSD comes back again and again, forcing the victim to relive that experience as thought it is in the present moment.

Of course reliving trauma is just that. It is experienced in the present moment reliving a horrible event, usually in full technocolor with all the heightened emotions and feelings. And relief from a waking nightmare is possible.

Trauma Relief Hypnotherapy

Conventionally trauma can be thought of as surviving a life threatening situation or a situation where lose of life is perceived. Typical examples are acts of terrorism, war, torture and kidnapping. But these extreme events are not what causes the trauma most people experience though it is trauma nonetheless.

Experts in the field such as Robert Scaer and Peter Levine have extended the causes of trauma to more common occurrences such as vehicular crash, surgical operations and dental treatment. This is blatantly obvious to anyone who has suffered and recognition of such causes are slowly being recognised by medical professionals.

Additional sadly even more common events such as losing benefits, stage fright in public speaking or ad hominem attacks by malicious people may also affect as exposure to a traumatic experience.

The reality is the meaning and perceptions of traumatic experience is unique to the person experiencing it. What could traumatise one person could have zero effect on another and vice versa.

There is evidence that occurrences in childhood may predispose a person to be more susceptible to being traumatised via a specific event as well as potential genetic disposition thought predisposition does not necessitate it will happen.

You can think about trauma as ‘trapped energy’ that was not naturally dissipated after survival of a traumatic event. In fact the energy was somehow locked in and is metaphorically stuck.

Trauma and the Stress Response

When in a situation of perceived threat to life the body naturally is flooded with a cocktail of hormones and neuro-transmitters that nature has evolved to save our life. This is the well know flight/fight/freeze response.

During this process our episodic memory can be hijacked by the amygdalla ( a kind of unconscious memory to threat ) in order to process danger faster and ultimately provide life saving time and decision making that is not in conscious perception.

Scaer has ( I think quite correctly ) postulated that the freeze response, as in when we can’t really escape danger, has much to do with the encoding of trauma into a traumatic memory.

In animals after a freeze response has ended and they are not some predators lunch, they will shake and convulse and deep breath for a while before getting up and unscathed and untraumatised walk away non the worse for wear.

It seems somewhat different with humans having so much more neocortex and attempted rational thinking we don’t really do the ‘shake it off and walk away’. We have a tendency in retain and lock in all that energy into our bodies, our psyche and amygdalla and hence one model for the formation of trauma from a traumatic event.

“It’s not what happens to you, but how you respond to it that matters” Epictetus

But the trouble is that during high stress and perceived danger to life the responses are largely unconscious. A memory that is in actuality a resource, a blue print for survival. Though it won’t feel that way.

Memory is Associative

In writing this article I have been recollecting some of my own personal traumas. The first I remember was at the age of around four or five. I fell head first through a glass door. What at the time traumatised me most was not the actual fall or the cuts. It was the Doctors words “If he was just a little smaller the glass would have fell and decapitated him”.

This lead onto a second traumatic memory, one when I was around fifteen or sixteen. At school, along with the rest of a class was shown a film about the use of pigs in the US army. The pig was tied down and was blow-torched. Its skin was blistering. The ‘torturers’ stopped several times to give the pig water to drink before they continued blow-torching its skin. The pigs vocal cords had been cut so no screams would be heard. This was an experiment in burn survival.

In both these early traumas it was secondary and tertiary effects that caused trauma. It was not the fall but the doctors words. It was seeing the pig tortured on film.

Scaer describes that actual events followed by seeing and event then reading or watching an event are all possible causes to induce trauma. So it makes perfect sense that there can be different levels of exposure to events that all have the potential to be traumatic and cause long term problems.

Once a trauma is ingrained even the smallest of internal or external cues can set the memory in motion in the present. A similar environment, a certain body posture and even thoughts of the event. The more a traumatic memory is re-experienced the more the neuronal connections relating to it are strengthened. This is basically unconscious habit formation.

And traumatic events produce strong memories due to the hormones and neuro-transmitters that are released during stress. Repeated remembrance is habit formation.

Trauma Relief Hypnotherapy

The very good news there is serious hope that your trauma can be alleviated. Since we are really describing an unconscious process that has at its heart ‘trapped neuro-physiological-psychological energy’ a highly feasible idea for releasing this trapped energy is hypnotherapy because hypnotherapy is focused on working with the unconscious mind-body.

Just reading about the proposed model of how traumas take root may be one additional step towards freeing yourself from the tyranny of traumatic memories. Imagine the kind of potential to release enormous amounts of energy previously expended in reliving trauma; what could you do with such released energy? How would your life and those closest to you benefit from such an improvement?

If you would like to discuss how I may be able to help you overcome and release your traumatic memory please either email me ( don’t use the comment box ) or call to arrange a free consultation.

 

Loss, Grief and the Rekindling of Life and Relationships : Newcastle Hypnotherapy

We will all experience loss in this lifetime, this is inevitable. This can be the loss of loved people in our life, the loss of trust, faith, an old yet destructive habit or even aspects of our identity; who we believe we are.

The aftermath of loss, while initially can appear quite bleak, can be strangely  surprising and can, in the right circumstances, drawing deeply from our past, provide a quite unique and dependable foundation for our futures. And it’s mostly not that easy – that is why we suffer and grieve.

Many religions and traditions postulate there is life after death. Scientifically the likely hood of this is remotely unlikely yet there is the complete mystery of how our universe began and this may point towards a spirituality ( not religion ) we can’t ever know about in scientific terms. Is there life before death? Is surely a better exploration for us all.

I am attempting to put loss and grief into a context for positive transformation and at the same time completely honour and acknowledge the pain and suffering which will almost surely go hand in hand.

Grief Hypnotherapy Newcastle

Nikos Kazantzakis

I have very recently been to Create and following a tour to Knossos there was a short sight seeing which was concluded at the very spot this photograph was taken.

This is the grave site of Nikos Kazantzakis. Probably best know through his writing Zorba The Greek. Nikos travelled for most of his life and although a citizen of Crete he did not die there.  If you read Greek or can translate the words in the photo it is very close to …

“I Hope For Nothing, I Fear Nothing, I am Free.”

This is one of the most inauspicious tombs I have ever witnessed directly. It is also one of those experiences that will stay with me as long as I live.

Kazantzakis’s words are short and full of a deep and profound wisdom. It is akin to a very central way of being in Buddhism.

When we lose someone, something or even ourselves there is a honest and great potential to grieve and that means feel great sorrow and pain for our loss. And this is a perfectly normal and as far as I am concerned complete human emotion.

A question I asked myself in my early 20’s was, would I rather have not experiences love, delight and connection at the expense of not feeling pain, hurt and loss?

When I was much younger there were many times when this would have been an affirmative YES! Early love affairs, early ideas, hopes and dreams.  Times when the pain of loss was so awful that I would rather have not been alive.

As I age and realise the gift of life more fully and there is a very full spectrum of emotions I am able to both feel and accept, my answer to my question, for me is a certain and definitive NO.

How does anyone go about discovering meaning and purpose in life after a great loss? One story I heard provides the light of hope and although this is one man’s story and most likely not relevant to most people; put yourself in this persons shoes and perhaps you can begin to discover there are ways to both follow your wound and follow your life.

A man, married for decades wife died. He was inconsolable and very very depressed. Imagine being with your partner and soul mate for the best part of a life time and then at some point they are no longer there. Gone and that really is it. The memories live, the associations are there every day and everywhere.

He was looking desperately to stop hurting, exploring religions and spirituality to answer his question ‘Why am I here?, what purpose is there to continue?’.

His therapist asked how his partner, his wife and best friend would have dealt and coped with the situation where he to have died first. His answer was direct ‘She couldn’t it would have killed her.’

He found some purpose in his continued existence. In serving as the one who could go on, just about, and not having his love experience the loneliness and pain he did at that time. I understand he went forward for well over a decade helping people that had experienced the loss of a life partner.

If you would like a free consultation regarding moving on from loss in your life, call me. 0770 481 8467. Thank you for reading.

Trauma Hypnotherapy Newcastle

Trauma is one of those words that can conjurer up all kinds of meanings. Trauma can be defined as a situation or experience where there is / was imminent danger to the survival of an individual. This of course can come in a wide variety of flavours. Major trauma, minor trauma and those in-between.

A traumatic experience has the potential to alter how the brain and nervous system works and in some cases the ‘damage’ can seem irreparable. In terms of having a behaviour or response that seems to be fixed and set in stone.

Hypnotherapy Trauma Newcastle

Hypnotherapy Trauma Newcastle

For example a car crash, a physical assault or losing a loved one. Trauma can also be induced vicariously, that is, by witnessing a situation, or act where another person or being that is subject to horrocity. In a nut shell trauma is both a physical and psychological occurrence that can leave deep scars.

It does not have to be this way, hypnotherapy Newcastle can help you to both come to terms with and move on from what has happened.

Years of living with trauma may well take several session of hypnotherapy Newcastle to help you alleviate the undesired and unwanted emotional responses. I will do my very best to make this a minimal amount of sessions.

There are no ridiculous or completely unethical promises being made here. To quote my friend and colleague Andy, “My sincere efforts are guaranteed but the results are not.” This is completely and transparently honest.

A Personal Account of Trauma

I recall when I was around 16 years old being shown a video at school. The video showed army personal blow torching a pig till its skin blistered. Giving the pig some water, which it eagerly drank, and then continuing burning its skin to black, blistering and boiling. The pig never screamed because its vocal chords had been cut.

The head of the school I attended was reported to local authorities for showing a bunch of 16-17  year old’s this film. Some viewers cried many left the lecture room.  The topic was either Media Studies or Social Studies, one of those ‘lame’ compulsory subjects that six form college forced me to participate in.

For a long while the images and emotions haunted me. I understand the purpose of the experiment ( with the pig ) was exploring how soldiers could survive massive body burns. The experiment with the students, the 16 year old viewers was not entirely clear. It certainly left a deep impression.

Pure vicarious traumatic episode. I froze.

Trauma – The Neuro Biology

Basically we are taking about a Stress Response to environmental and or psychological events. These in tern activate the sympathetic nervous system. This means there is a great deal of adrenaline ( epinephrine ) circulating in the bloodstream.

Additionally there will be arginine vasopressin ( AVP ) and Adrenocorticotropin circulating in the blood stream mediated by activation of the hypothalamic pituitary adrenal axis. ( HPA )

This is well know as the fight / flight / freeze response.

What all this means is your blood pressure is increased, heart beating faster you are on high alert. Fat is being rapidly accessed in the form of circulating glucose to provide energy to your exercising muscles and you are biologically equipped to save your life.

After the stressor your body should return to normal in a short period of time. Prolonged stressors will keep both aspects of the stress response activated, that is the sympathetic nervous response plus the HPA response.

Collecting and Storing Traumas

Traumatic events can be thought of as being stored in the body as a frozen and solid somatic memory as well as psychological imprints. This can be understood as the ‘freeze’ response from the fight / flight / freeze.

Also escaping ( flight ) or fighting to survive in a dangerous physical and or physiological situation can leave trauma scars. This can be a one off event such as a car crash or could be multiple events such as an abusive relation or bullying at work.

Animals don’t seen to store trauma the way humans can. Animals seem to shake of excess energy and emotion after a traumatic episode and get right back on with their lives. Humans after a traumatic encounter will sometimes fail to release the energy which can come back to haunt as flash backs, startle responses or physical pain.

Hypnotherapy and Bowen Therapy in Newcastle

Treating both the psychological trauma using hypnotherapy and any physiological trauma representation using the gentle Bowen therapy techniques offers a complete range of therapy to help you heal and move forwards.

For a completely free and confidential telephone consultation regarding trauma resolution, call me, Nigel, on 0770 481 8467. Leave a message, your name and contact phone number if you get the answering machine. Calls returned within 24 working hours.

 

 

Depression Hypnotherapy Newcastle – Nigel Hetherington

Depression can be split into two basic kinds of classification, these being reactive depression and unipolar or Clinical depression. Newcastle hypnotherapy with Nigel Hetherington can help you come to terms and move forwards in life from both reactive and clinical depression.

When people have depression many will make a return to a normal life and usual temperament on their own. Other times sufferers of depression require help in moving forwards. Help can come in various forms like medication, active exercise or talk therapies such as Newcastle hypnotherapy or CBT.

Dr. Lewis Baxter and Dr. Arthur Brody from U.C.L.A have independently shown that patients overall recovery, neurochemistry and reduction of high frontal cortex activity undergo similar changes irrespective of whether the treatment is antidepressant drugs or talk therapy such as CBT or Newcastle hypnosis.

As human beings we are emotionally wired to form attachments and bonds. Reactive depression occurs when we experience some form of loss. Loss can be the loss of a loved one when a relationship ends or a person we deeply care about dies. Loss can also be the loss of objects, like a house or car or other valued possession. We can also experience reactive depression when we feel a loss of a concept, idea or trust.

Clinical ( unipolar ) depression is regarded as a neurological disorder characterised by an imbalance of neurotransmitters in the brain and often heightened prefrontal cortex activity. Similar mechanisms seem to underlie both types of depression so treatments such as exercise and hypnotherapy Newcastle can be particularly effective ways to end the tyranny of depression in the sufferer.

In reactive depression people often transition through the loss bereavement or grief cycle defined by Kubler Ross where depression is the forth stage in the sequence. Coming out of depression people will have a general return to their general temperament start living and laughing again. When an individual does not exit the fourth stage of active depression an individual may transition into clinical depression.

Sufferers of clinical depression have prolonged and intense mood disorders, are prone to self loathing and even suicidal thoughts. Often described as a blackness of experience and disconnection from others and life. Physical pain can also be part of this dark abyss.

Many people recover and come out of depression themselves. For others coming out from depression requires professional assistance. There are many options for you to explore to assist you in your recovery from depression. Talk therapies such as Hypnotherapy, psychotherapy or CBT has been shown to be at least as effective as antidepressant drugs.

 

 

Hypnotherapy For Guilt And Shame

Guilt and shame are two emotions that can cause suffering and stop you leading a full life. Both of these emotions are about not living up to values. These values can be your own or other peoples. Values are the kinds of experiences and behaviours that are important to both ourselves and to others.

If your behaviour or lack of it, in some way disrespects another persons values, you may well feel shame. Shame can also be imposed on you by another, such as by their public disapproval of your actions or even of you.

Guilt is about your response to how you are living up to and in accordance with your own values. How you behave or do not behave in relation to your own values can create the emotion we call guilt.

Both guilt and shame are emotions that are firmly located in the past. Guilt and shame are about past events and because there has been some perceived transgression of values, for some, those memories are replayed again and again and so can go on generate more guilt or shame.

Hypnotherapy and NLP can be very successfully used to stop most people feeling these negative emotions, for a specific event, in just one session. What is even more important to do after the feeling of guilt or shame is gone, is to re-evaluate the event and create strategies so that in any future situations that are similar, you will act much more in line with the values you want to honour.

For completely compassionate, confidential and non judgemental help dealing with Guilt and Shame and Getting on with your life

Contact Nigel Hetherington

nigel@nigelhetherington .co .uk

0770 481 8467

Provocative Therapy and Coaching Workshop

I am hosting a workshop with my good friend Phil Jeremiah for coaches, hypnotherapists, therapists and change workers in Newcastle.

Humour can help to break old patterns and establish new ones

So many research papers and books tell us of the positive effects of laughter. Apparently 20 minutes of laughter is equivalent to 20 minutes of physical activity, likened to an inner form of jogging. It may well act as a buffer against day to day stressful perceptions. However, laughter is not easy to come by in our mixed up fear driven world. Consequently Thought Provoking Dialogue sets out to challenge our sometimes negative mind-sets and self-limiting beliefs.

Phil provides training, motivational speaking and support to organisations in the use of humour. Laughter in the workplace is proven to reduce symptoms of stress and can promote good team working in a fun way with groups or individuals. This two day workshop offers us the opportunity to experiment with, understand why and how, and develop confidence in using humour in coaching or therapy.

It’s a must for your development and an even greater must for right now – with our economic and social structures all in turmoil, we could all do with a little humour to help us frame it in ways that are useful to and for us and to and for our clients.

This weekend workshop takes place May 12-13 and is excellent value at £125 AND you are guaranteed outrageous laughter and learning as well as highly workable and client centred ways of engendering change. Book your place now!


Workshop Options



Northern Changeworkers, Counsellors, Coaches & Therapist Conference : May 14-15

I am seriously delighted and very excited to now be announcing the first Northern ChangeWorkers, Counsellors, Coaches and Therapists Conference ( NCCCTC ), here in Newcastle. A conference where we are continuing to highlight The North East as a centre for Excellence in Change Work and Therapy.

With our Magnificent Seven presenters, we can all draw from their experience and absorb their uniquely individual approach to successful change work.

Get their real MASSIVE value insights and their methods that the top North East Change Professionals, Coaches and Therapists use One to One with clients.

A genuine golden opportunity to learn from top North East change workers and to do some great networking and create new relationships. Book right away as there are limited places …

 

 

Conference topics will include:

  • General ways and methodologies for Brief Therapy.
  • Working with Eating Disorders.
  • Grief and Bereavement.
  • Solution Focused Brief Therapy.
  • Self Acceptance.
  • Dealing with Guilt.
  • True Co-Creative Coaching Alliances.

Enter your name & email now to receive a FREE audio CD interview with Harry Knox ( Brief Grief Therapy ) and Sharon Cox ( Eating Disorders ) discussing their backgrounds and providing insights into how they work in their specialised fields.

 

The NCCCT conference, over two days in May 14-15, is specifically for all of us people involved in professional change work as counsellors, therapists and coaches. And now by attending you will get:

  • Insights and practices of the top professionals.
  • The best value conference this year by far.
  • Specific methods for your client groups.
  • Incredible networking opportunities.

The ticket price for this two full day conference is only £40 and this IS incredible value for a two day conference. BUT

If you ACT NOW and are one of the first 100 people to book your place you get your ticket for ONLY £30. So, go ahead and BOOK YOUR PLACE now!

 

 

As well as all attendants receiving a series of interviews with the presenters which will give you a general overview of the presenters unique way of working all conference participants will be able to discover the ways and methodologies in which to work with your clients with Eating Disorders, Grief and Bereavement, Solution Focused Therapy, Self Acceptance, Guilt, True Co-Creative Coaching Alliances and a great deal more.

NCCCTC is taking place in May 14-15 in Newcastle upon Tyne 2011. Be Sure You Attend!

Introducing our presenters for 2011, each with many years of both one to one experience as well as excellent group facilitation skills:

Harry KnoxBereavement and Brief Grief Therapy
With an unparalleled career of over 30 years working in psychiatry in the NHS. Harry now splits his time between supervision, one to one therapy and training facilitation. As a Master practitioner and accredited trainer of NLP, Harry has a unique, humorous and entirely engaging style to change work and is the creator of ‘Brief Grief Therapy’.

Sharon CoxEating Disorder Specialist
Sharon is a BACP accredited counsellor, with a private practice based in North Tyneside, offering both short and long-term counselling for a wide range of psychological and emotional concerns. She provides counselling supervision to both training and qualified counsellors and has extensive experience in Substance Misuse, Bereavement Care and Victim Support. Sharon’s special interest is in eating disorders. Combining a busy practice and training facilitation she is also studying to gain a PhD in Counselling Studies.

John Wheeler – Solution Focused Brief Therapy
Well published and equally well known in the field of Brief Therapy, John has over 18 years experience in facilitation, clinical supervision and one to one work both internationally and here in the UK. John is also responsible for the excellent BTNE organisation.

Rob McGinleyAnxiety And Depression
Rob S. McGinley is a qualified, experienced and effective counsellor. His extensive background includes bereavement & loss, work stress, relationship & family issues, depression & anxiety and youth counselling. BACP registered, Rob works as a counsellor/ NLP practitioner , has his own small private practice and lectures full time on the counselling foundation degree training program at TyneMet College.

Andy HuntCompassionate Self Acceptance
Andy works with people who give themselves a hard time, judge themselves harshly, feel bad about themselves or spend far too much time having a problem with themselves. Andy’s clients may typically feel irresistibly drawn to choose situations and relationships that reinforce their bad opinion of themselves, Andy helps them to experience and make positive changes. A NLP Master Practitioner, accredited EFT and NLP trainer, Andy is well know for his ability to run change processes while creating a deep and respectful rapport.

Paula McCormack – UK Social Leaders Coach
With over 20 years experience as both an individual and group development facilitator Paula has developed her own unique approach to change and development know as The Adaptive. Paula is dynamic and has an incredible ability to deeply connect and create the space that fosters true discoveries and engenders personal change.

Nigel Hetherington – Addictions & Trauma
Nigel is the NCCCTS organiser. He works as an approved NLP and Clinical Hypnotherapy training facilitator, has a private practice and is particularly interested in helping people recover and move forward in life from serious addictions, trauma and abusive relationships. Nigel facilitates regular NLP, Hypnotherapy and Therapist workshops and practice groups in the North East and Newcastle.

This conference is seriously affordable to everyone; Why? Because all of our presenters are dedicated to the real direction and goal of excellence in therapy for all attendees. We are all involved in developing further our skills and ways of practice in mutually beneficial and co-created change alliances.

Your personal investment for this value packed and quality information conference is ONLY £30 for the first 100 registrants. After this the price increases to £40, which is still excellent value. After 5th May the price increases to £50.

 

 

But think about this; £50 for a two day conference with the top therapists, change workers and coaches is still incredible value because you will get to understand the unique ways and methods of the presenters that they use which makes them the very top of their profession and they will be sharing their methods and ways of getting excellent results with their clients.

Surviving A Seriously Toxic Relationship – Part One

I honestly think people meet for a reason. My thoughts here are, it is to learn and create together or learn and create apart. Our relationships with our intimate lovers, friends and acquaintances can in some ways be defined by what we both learn and go on to accomplish, share and go on to help others through our own experiences.

If you have ever been in an unnecessarily argumentative, emotional, mentally or even physically abusive relationship that can be categorised with frequent breakups and passionate get back together’s then this may be of help and interest to you in both getting some kind of understanding of what’s happening and finding ways to live healthily together or move apart sooner.

It is my intention that these articles will provide examples you may relate to and to provide means to make the right changes for you in terms of your relationship.

If you choose to get out of this kind of toxic relationship the rest of this articles will offer some suggestions as to how as a survivor you can let go of the past, feel better and move forward with a sense of forgiveness and compassion. My reparation took me over six weeks to fully heal my heart and head, to let go of many unhelpful emotions and memories and feel whole again.

I most often find labelling people is not helpful. What I want to show here is a collection of coping mechanisms people with so called Borderline Personality Disorder ( BPD ) have for coping in their world and specifically coping in an intimate personal relationship.

It is honestly NOT their fault they have these modes of behaviour or coping mechanisms to be interacting with intimate partners but unless you are their therapist or their partner you will most likely never see this side of their personality. It can be like a real life Jekyll and Hyde. Relationships with this kind of characteristic can look like the Somme Battlefield from the outside. From the inside it is honestly much, much worse for both people.

Please read the following article for an insight into a BPD relationship. Click on the hyperlink below.

How a Borderline Personality Disorder Love Relationship Evolves

An Article by Roger Melton MA

The article above describes very well my perceptions of my own experience in a relationship with an ex partner who displayed all of the coping mechanisms that I will describe below. As such I have no intention of relating specific personal examples. This is for two reasons. Sometimes I feel ‘our story’ has an element of ‘the victim’ attached to it and so creates unhelpful gossip and agony aunt style, problem focused awareness and also this is really about recognising the signs and making a choice as to how best to move forward.

Having been in a toxic and mutually unhealthy relationship with a partner who exhibited these coping strategies for BPD with various intensities and frequencies; I have to say, at that time I simply didn’t understand what was happening or why they behaved that way. I did not understand many of our interaction. They often made little sense, more often than not no sense at all.

Arguments would frequently erupt from nowhere. My then partner would shout, make fists become verbally aggressive and abusive. In short a kind of totally unpredictable angry temper tantrum. Their raging arguments were paradoxical with what I perceived as frequent double standards that simply could not be reasoned out. I had no real idea how or why these would start arguments, but now I know, it is just one way of coping:

When you get to understand what childhood circumstances created these coping mechanisms or behavioural imprints ( DSM-IV-TR, The Angry Heart ) it is actually very easy to forgive and feel real compassion for an ex partner or even a current one; It is also very easy to forgive yourself. But when you don’t know, it is all too easy to feel hurt, used, manipulated, cheated and abused. This is the victim role. You can lose your sense of self value and self respect; Because you love them so you keep going back … for more of the same and so the cycle continues.

BPD Criteria and Coping Mechanisms

A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects and markedly impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts as indicated by five ( or more ) of the following :

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.
2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterised by alternating between extremes of idealisation and devaluation.
3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self image or sense of self.
4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self damaging ( spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).
5. Recurrent suicidal behaviours, gestures or threats of self-mutilating behaviour.
6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood ( intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).
7. Chronic feelings of emptiness.
8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger ( frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights ).
9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or sever dissociative symptoms.

DSM – IV -TR

Part Two of this article will go on to explore the issue of blame and responsibility. Part Three will offer suggestions and ways, that as a survivor of specifically this kind of toxic relationship you can heal your emotional past and then move forward in life with a genuine sense of forgiveness and compassion.

Spirituality In Coaching and Therapy – Nigel Hetherington & Paula McCormack

The more you lose yourself in something bigger than yourself, the more energy you will have.

Norman Vincent Peale

Spirituality In Coaching and Therapy – Newcastle NLP and Hypnosis Cafe Monday 7th February 7-9pm : Gosforth Library Newcastle NE3 3HD : £10 Including Biscuits. Book online below.

When we come direct from heart space we create an energetic connection that surpasses the concept of empathy or our multi-sensory capacity. In doing so we create the neutral void that two souls can share to explore, discover, test, challenge and shift. For us, this is our recipe for lasting and generative change.

So in this café Paula and Nigel will facilitate your unpacking of the deeper and more connecting ways in which yours and our therapeutic alliances work. How they are formed, how they grow and the effect and impact they have on our and the world.

We will open and share our thoughts and processes of how to develop co-created alliances by exploring the concepts of projections and reflections prior to, during and after a dynamic interaction. We will also consider projection and reflection in terms of attracting clients into your life for mutual healing and purposeful learnings.

Every person we meet has something to teach us, and every person has something to say that only they can say. We both believe we attract the clients that will help and be beneficial to our ongoing development. This may also include ‘healing’ your past. viz a vie we meet together to co-create something that is more than mutually beneficial …

From this place we’ll look at working from heart space that dynamically co-creates a change process as being fundamental in effective change and evolution work. We will show you how this offers a place that goes way beyond our understanding of rapport. Indeed it transcends the thoughts that if we shared some common value, belief, outcomes, goals and even purpose we can go anywhere in the relationship.

Newcastle NLP and Hypnosis Cafe

Monday 7th February 7-9pm :

Gosforth Library Newcastle NE3 3HD : £10 Including Biscuits.

Book online now.





Can You Make A Living From Coaching or Therapy?

I run regular trainings in Newcastle for people to become certified Clinical Hypnotherapists and NLP Practitioners. Two days ago I received a call from a perspective participant regarding Hypnotherapy Training. One of their really good questions was “Can I make a living as a Hypnotherapist”.

The answer is a very BIG no and yes!

There are many, many training courses where you can become a qualified therapist, coach or hypnotherapist. Currently there is no legislation in the UK to stop anyone stating they are a ‘hypnotherapist’ or ‘coach’ any reader can do it right now. Some will get a ‘qualification’ yet if you want to make a good living as a professional people helper YOU NEED CLIENTS, no matter how good you think you are or the training you have received.

I strongly recommend Andy Austin’s Brass Bollocks [ if you will follow the process ] and then be prepared to commit to the time it takes to generate lots of clients AND build a reputation and successful practice!

Andy is someone I have done a great deal of training with, who I regard as a truly consummate professional, Andy Austin has stated …

A little humility will save you a lot of humiliation“.

There are so many products out in the market promising you can make £x,xxx,xxx in a year. This is a big sham! One of the biggest deceptions going in my opinion. There are no get rich quick schemes and if this is what you want you may well be in the wrong profession! Yet, the strategies are generally good BUT it takes time to build a good reputation, referrals and a professional practice.

My personal experience, never bothering to follow any of these get rich schemes was it took me five years to build a profitable practice in therapy. I am an ex-software engineer and have some savi regarding how to build an internet presence that works for you.

I was teaching hypnosis and NLP by 2005 and it is now 2011. This is five years in time and five years in reputations and referrals. Unless you have a massive number of contacts do not expect to make a living as soon as you are qualified. I think this applies to any professional practice, therapy or other …

One of the most important pieces of experience I can offer is you can do it. It usually wont happen over night. It takes practice, time and a real commitment to helping people transform their lives – as well as your own! If you are currently working I suggest you create what I call a ‘parachute fund’ to help you on your way, to transition between a job and a true calling. Don’t do what I did and sell your house to create you business, it is way too risky!

So, I sold my home and quite my job as a full time software developer and programmer to pursue my dream. I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone because it was very hard and was a one way ticket to survive and  flourish or go bust. I followed my dream …

Anything and everything to do what I love, my family and friends said I was mad to give up a lucrative job … YET … my heart was elsewhere in the future … and eventually … this came true … It was not easy! It is really hard work!!

Follow your heart … … … and at the same time, realise you do need to make a living in the process ….

Some hints and tips on what not to to … Basically don’t lie about yourself.

In therapeutic practice, there are so many people advertising skills they simply haven’t got.  For instance …

Do not advertise what you are not or make somewhat ridiculous claims on what you can do for clients. This includes ridiculous fees that simply do not attract clients.  The [ ] are examples of what I personally know has failed for certain people who try to present themselves as therapists or coaches.

  • £125 coaching by skype [ 4 clients in 18 months, two non paying ]
  • Child behaviour Specialist . [ Physically abusing their children by smacking then in the face and mouth ]
  • Saying you have 100% client success [ everyone knows this is not so ]
  • Divorced mother specialisation [ still married and ongoing incredibly troublesome divorce ]
  • Relationship expert [ 20 years of infidelity and non resolved personal issues ]
  • Get your magic job [ no income from therapy, dependent on the state for financial support ]
  • You can make a living doing what you love [ no income except state / partner dependent ]

Make you fees plainly accessible to one and all

The most well known and successful UK therapists are from £125 – per hour or session. These are the people who have 10 to 15 years plus of experience and practice to charge this. Get real. You will not compete with these people right away. These are well developed and recognised professionals. Better to charge £45 per hour and get some clients while building a real reputation.

The real trick here is to build up a practice

  • Don’t listen to anyone who tells you to up your prices especially when they have no clients of their own.
  • Get your Internet Site presence up and for the world to see.
  • Make presentations to your local therapy and counselling associations.
  • Do free work until you have people that will recommend you.
  • Be true to what you believe is right and set out to make a difference.
  • Patience and the rest will come with dedication.

Follow your dreams while you study and practice hard!

Love & Light

Nigel

Newcastle Weight Loss Hypnosis | Jesmond Weigh Loss Hypnosis

We are all so engaged in doing things to achieve purposes of outer value we forget that the inner value the rapture that is associated with being alive is what it’s all about‘ – Joseph Campbell

There is something else, much more to losing weigh and weight loss … and this is a fundamental change of attitude and heart … and … getting a real sense, a knowing if you like, of what you will actually feel and experience from losing weight!

Click here to book an appointment for Weight Loss Hypnosis Newcastle in early New Year of 2011.

Public Speaking Hypnotherapy Newcastle

You probably know that the vast majority of people shrink back from the very idea of public speaking.

The fear of public speaking including not being heard, clamming up and potentially making a complete and utter fool of yourself plagues so very many people you would not believe … or actually maybe you DO!!! I know at one time I certainly did!

The more practice you get the more comfortable you can become with public speaking. My own experience of this was, initially it terrified me! Honestly it did. And at some point I realised and grasped what I can say has massive meaning and value to me as well as others.

We all have thoughts, feelings and insight we want to share with the people we really want to connect with. Remember … Your purpose in public or group or peer speaking is to share how and what you feel, think and know for a purpose that is bigger than you that will benefit all.

The Common Problems

There are three very common and often interlinked problems for people facing public speaking and they are this :

  1. You have ( in the past ) had one or more experiences of doing this and it going horribly wrong.
  2. You have worried and worried and worried and … Dun It And … What happened … It went HORRIBLY.
  3. You have worried and worried and worried and … Thought The Worst And … You haven’t even done it yet!

So what is your solution?

Clearing up any problems from the past and literally putting that out of your mind. The past is the past, yet it can come back to haunt you … unless you deal with it.

Starting to cultivate the attitude of what you actually want to have happen. Not what you don’t! The attitude of a truly positive outcome where you are fully able to speak your truth from your heart is empowering. You feeling congruent and confident in and with what you say will show.

Knowing your true purposes and motivations will help you set a direction and focus your intention to talk from your heart and also be heard.

How You Can Speak Your Truth From Your Heart

I can help you remove blocks from the past, set your focus on what you want and make you purpose clear … So you can … speak publicly with a real conviction and congruence.

Click Here to book an appointment to Learn To Speak Your Truth With Passion and Purpose

Newcastle Trauma PTSD Resolution Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy

The majority of traumatic memories or post traumatic stress intrusions can usually be successfully cleared in one to two session.

Here is a demonstration from Hypnotherapist Nigel Hetherington using NLP EMI – Eye Movement Integration to remove the associated emotional residue from a traumatic experience.

NLP Eye Movement Integration is the creation of Steve and Connirae Andreas.

Change Your Mind – Change Your Feelings

Albert Einstein is said to have commented “Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them!”

Here we use a metaphor to represent the problem state and the metaphor IS a different level of thinking!

This is a really neat process to help people move from unresourceful states to really positive and resourceful ones. Using emergent metaphor to change the internal representations or problem states as a 2nd order change process.

The process is created by Kevin Creedon and know as the Cloud Process.

NLP Practitioner Training @ £495 | Newcastle & North East NLP Practitioner Course

white roseImage via dosbears

When we want to make our life better and are frustrated that it is not happening the way we want it to be or not happening at all, there are some things we can do to take action and get better informed and equipped to make the changes we want happen.

This excellent value training begins in January 2011 and concludes in June. The Newcastle NLP Practitioner training course is three days Friday-Sunday each month.

We all experience and face common frustrations and problems just about each and every day.

Here are just some of them:

  • Wasting Time and Energy Worrying about the NOW…
  • Wasting Time and Energy Worrying about the future ( Anxiety )
  • Economy and Money
  • Your Job Security
  • Your Relationships both Personal and Professional
  • You are not happy or satisfied with you present situation
  • A lack motivation
  • Wanting to turn your life around
  • Worried about paying your bills
  • Unable to get on better with others and yourself

Neurolinguistic Programming or NLP is a kind of pseudo psychology developed in the 1970’s. It has grew to massive fame in the UK largely because of Paul Mckenna’s TV shows. NLP is a successful and powerful way of running your own brain, increasing your confidence, managing your state as well as learning and developing ethical influencing and communication tools. It is also a great deal of fun in the learning!

Excellent content, great presentation, great group. All if it linked together, I have really enjoyed it and learned a lot from the course, very useful.

Kim – Manager Outdoor Activity Centre

Taking an NLP Practitioner training will of course not solve each and every one of your problems yet it will give you tools you can use to take much more control of your life and generally feel much better about it. You will change the way you think and interact with others. You will learn how to get on much better with people and literally talk their language.

Totally fab, exceeded my expectations. Thank you very much! The trainers are great and the venue is ideal. For me, its the power and awareness of language are the most useful.

Rob – Counselling Lecturer

This special credit crunch price for the NLP Practitioner Course with six months training is just £495. This really is the most exceptional value certified NLP Practitioner in the UK. It is this price because the current economic climate which demands you get paramount value for your money and because Communicating Excellence is dedicated to increasing the success of all people in our North East community.

I have seen changes in myself that I wouldn’t have thought possible. Thank you so much

Felicity James

18 Participants Max.

Three days per month, Friday-Sunday beginning January 2011. Only £495 Take Action and Book NOW!

Click here for full details and to book your place on the Newcastle NLP Practitioner Training course.

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Bill O Hanlon Workshop Newcastle Upon Tyne September 2010

A very special workshop for solution focused and brief therapy professionals.

bill-headshot-bw.jpg“There is no use trying, she said.“One cannot believe impossible things.”“I dare say you haven’t had much practice” said the Queen “When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day.Why sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.” – Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Possibility Therapy uses the power of acknowledgement to meet people where they are stuck and the power of possibility to invite them into change. Not just a positive approach, this approach recognizes problems, the influence of the past, and cultural, political and gender influences while creating a respectful, hopeful environment for change. It also adds a spiritual dimension to therapy.

Through clear handouts and lectures, videotapes and practice exercises, participants will have the opportunity to not only learn this approach to therapy but also to apply it to their own lives and selves.

Morning session Day 1

  • Introduction to a new way of thinking and working in therapy
    • Discovering solution-oriented therapy
  • First Things First: Starting therapy on the right foot
    • Finding a focus and identifying who wants to change what
    • Assessment as intervention
  • Solution-Oriented Therapy
    • Find exceptions and solutions from the past
    • Evoke competence
    • Notice change rather than stuckness
    • Imagine a future without the problem and work backwards from there

Afternoon session Day 1

  • Possibility Therapy: A further evolution of brief solution-oriented therapy
  • Acknowledgement and possibility
  • Collaboration/non-expert stance
  • Future pull
  • Inclusion

Morning session Day 2

  • Inclusive Therapy: Dissolving resistance (from clients and therapists)
    • Discovering inclusion
    • Three levels of inclusion
    • The Inclusive Self
    • The 3 Cs of spirituality in therapy

Afternoon session Day 2

  • Brief therapy
  • The three kinds of brief therapy
    • Strategies of brief therapy
    • Change patterns
      • Personal and interpersonal
    • Change the doing (action/interaction)
    • Change the viewing (attention/meaning-making)
      • Stories
    • Set achievable and observable goals
    • Small changes can produce big results

Objectives:

  • To learn the components of brief and solution-oriented therapy
  • To learn how to dissolve resistance and create a collaborative environment in therapy
  • To be able to use 5 methods of acknowledgement and possibility
  • To be able to use 3 methods of inclusion

Bill O’Hanlon, MS, LMFT, has authored or co-authored 29 books, the latest being A Guide to Trance Land (W.W. Norton, 2009), Write is a Verb (Writer’s Digest Books, July 2007) Pathways to Spirituality (W.W. Norton), Change 101: A Practical Guide to Creating Change (W.W. Norton, Fall 2006), and Thriving Through Crisis (Penguin/Perigee; winner of the Books for a Better Life Award).

He has published 54 articles or book chapters. His books have been translated into 15 languages: French, Spanish, Portuguese, Swedish, Finnish, German, Chinese, Bulgarian, Turkish, Korean, Indonesian, Italian, Croatian, Arabic and Japanese.

He has appeared on Oprah (with his book Do One Thing Different), The Today Show, and a variety of other television and radio programs. Since 1977, Bill has given over 2000 talks around the world. He has been a top-rated presenter at many national conferences and was awarded the Outstanding Mental Health Educator of the Year in 2001 by the New England Educational Institute.

Bill is a Licensed Mental Health Professional, Certified Professional Counselor, and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Bill is clinical member of AAMFT (and winner of the 2003 New Mexico AMFT Distinguished Service Award), certified by the National Board of Certified Clinical Hypnotherapists and a Fellow and a Board Member of the American Psychotherapy Association.

He is known for his storytelling, irreverent humor, clear and accessible style and his boundless enthusiasm for whatever he is doing. His seminars are as entertaining as they are educational.

Where, When and How Much?

This workshop will take place on Saturday 11th and Sunday 12th of September at The Caledonian Hotel, Jesmond, Newcastle upon Tyne.

The workshop will start at 9:30 am and end at 5:30pm on both days.

Workshop fees

  • For the first 10 people to sign up online the fee is just £100
  • The early bird fee of £175 is available until July 19th extended to July 31st
  • The full fee of £225 applies thereafter

The booking system is online and will become live at 8:00am on Wednesday April 21st.

Buddhism, Enlightenment and Learning How To Feel Better – Part One

Buddha statue, Kamakura, Japan
Image via Wikipedia

A great many people who are exploring self development, NLP, personal psychologies, Hypnosis and other healing arts are often also attracted to what I will term as spirituality. Perhaps the most psychologically sophisticated and advanced spirituality on Earth is Buddhism.

As one story goes after plenty of other worldly experiences and adventures Buddha whilst sitting under a Bodhi tree at Bodh Gaya waiting for illumination got to meet a crabby old demon called Kama-Mara. Now some call Mara ( hear the drum role ) a lord of darkness, an evil lord and others say he was a tempter of the nascent Buddha with the temptations of lust, desire, fear and regrets.

Just before Kama-Mara arrived the soon to be enlightended Buddha was surrounded by his followers and hangers on who all sung his praises. But surprise surprise, when Kama-Mara arrived with his massive and terrible army all of the nascent Buddha’s entourage all did a runner and left him on his todd.

You see, Kama-Mara was responsible for, let us say ‘tempting’ Buddha or to put it another way testing, even creating the almost enlightened Buddha’s abilities so Kama-Mara was in fact a very necessary catalyst. This is similar to the anti hero having a very specific role to play, not unlike Judas Iscariot, but that is a different story. These temptations or tests were not like today’s driving test or GCSE’s or some written exam. Oh no dear reader, these were psychologically energetic, potentially destructive and of course if the story is true, physically, very real practical exams with no resit options.

The first temptation Kama sent, by proxy too, was his three daughters Regret, Fulfilment and Desire. He sent his children to do his dirty work.  Like a politician sending in expendable soldiers. These, the nascent Buddha, being still on his immovable spot was so able to refute one at a time desire, regret and fulfilment.

Kama then transformed into Mara and with his army of ogres sent weapons of all description flying towards the sitting Buddha but when the weapons entered his ‘field of non-entity’ the weapons transformed into lotus flowers. Fear and belligerence was dissolved.

Enraged and thwarted ( don’t you just love that word! ) Mara transformed into Dharma, the lord of social duty and spoke to Buddha “You are a Prince of the realm man!, haven’t you seen the news? Looked at the internet? There is a global recession and the people need to have hope and a figure head, that is you my prince, to inspire trust and stability. Do you duty! You must do what is expected of you!”

But Buddha was completely unmoved by this appeal to social duty and called on the Goddess Mother Universe to bear witness that he, Buddha, has the right to be. And the Goddess gives her blessings and acknowledgement.

The elephant that Dharma ( the entity formally known as Karma-Mara ) is riding bows to Buddha, the army of ogres retreats and Dharma in Buddha’s light is dissolved. Buddha then becomes, as this story goes, enlightened.

The second part of this article will explore this story looking through a different lens and lead on to how you can apply this transformation of consciousness to yourself in our more modern world.

Hypnotherapy Newcastle – Nigel Hetherington

Nigel Hetherington is a Clinical Hypnotherapist working in Newcastle, and Hexham.

Specialising in personal therapy for Addictions, Trauma, PTSD, Psychosomatic Pain, Weigh Loss, Guilt, Grief, Shame and Remorse. Nigel is a Master Practitioner of NLP and runs UK and International training in NLP and Hypnosis. Nigel is a regular featured contributor to myNLPresources.

Hypnosis Newcastle upon Tyne Jesmond

Clinical Hypnotherapy in Newcastle upon Tyne, Jesmond, Northumberland, Tyneside and Hexham.

Hypnotherapy in Newcastle from professionally accredited and experienced hypnosis trainer Nigel Hetherington. Nigel’s therapy is a unique combination of Hypnosis, Neurolinguistics and Physical  Therapy. As well as the common Stress management, Stop Smoking, Phobia Removal and Nail Biting, Nigel’s areas of specialisation are in :

Hypnosis for Addictions, Drug Addiction, Sex Addiction, Trauma, IBS, Chronic Fatigue, Depression, Weigh Loss, Guilt, Grief, Shame and Remorse.

Nigel is the creator of Clean Therapy ™ a unique approach which is a combination of Hypnosis, Neurolinguistics, Metaphor, Bowen Therapy, Emotional Release and Cleansing.

All sessions are two hours and cost £95.00.

Click here for details of how to book a session.

Eye Movement Integration – Creating Resources

Eye Movement Integration – created by Steve and Connirae Ray Andreas is generally a technique that is very successful in eliminating traumatic responses to memories.

EMI can also be used to create resource or beneficial states. Watch this short video to see EMI used to install positive resource states with clients. Recorded form a Clinical Hypnotherapy training from Nigel Hetherington.