Category Archives: Hypnotherapy Bereavement

Bereavement Hypnotherapy Newcastle upon Tyne

An estimated 45 million people died during the Chinese famine 1958-1962. An estimated 1 million people have died as a result of the Iraq war. And a quick look at data from the Office of National Statistics reveals that 60,891 people died in January 2015 from England and Wales. Of which 298 people died in Newcastle upon Tyne.

Unless you personally knew one of the people who died during the famine, died during the war or one of the 298 that died in January 2015 you may not feel any great loss. When you know someone, a friend, a partner, a parent or child that has died, chances are that your feelings of loss are immense.

Bereavement Hypnotherapy Newcastle

All people response to loss is essentially different in that your experiences and treasured memories of the dead will be individually unique. There is a useful model of the stages of grief by Kubler-Ross which may help you in understanding what is happening and why prolonged grieving my be happening.

The model is useful but remember it is a model and the so called stages may not always happen in the order the model dictates and it is possible to regress to previous stages.

How you deal with grief will be a uniquely individual experience and the healing that can come after is also unique to you. As humans we are all neurologically hard wired to be very loss adverse and react to bad events.

Some twenty years ago I was at my good friends fathers funeral. It was very emotional and there was literally hundreds of people in attendance.It was obvious my friend was close to tears, struggling and doing his best to honor his father.

One of my other friends ( who has lost one of his brothers ) shouted angrily and with some passion “you keep that in, be a man! You keep that in!” as if someone else can tell you how to feel and how those feelings are expressed. But it is the way the other friend has dealt with his brother dying.

So however you are dealing with loss and the emotions that accompany it, you are doing it in your own unique way. We all know that the counter point of life is death. We know this yet when we lose someone close it can take a very long time to recover and be enjoying life again.

If you are struggling with bereavement please get in touch to find out how I can help you heal, preserve your good memories and experiences and go forward with life.

 

Serious Problems Require Unconventional Wisdom : Newcastle Hypnotherapy

If you have ever been at your wits end facing what seemed like an insurmountable problem, an unendurable situation or absolutely fed up and ready to leave an occupation seemingly having spent all your reserves … you may well be at the cutting edge of a major break through.

This may well seem highly counter-intuitive but if this can have any validity and potential how can we learn to navigate through an ocean of troubles to reach some welcoming shore having learned something of real value in our own experience?

Unconventional Wisdom Hypnotherapy Newcastle

Consider two warring nations where each in its own way is somehow engaging in what is believed to be right, what is believed to be the only way forward and all of the casualties, damage and digging into two opposing positions that can entail.

Neither opposing sides really wants to budge, to give way or surrender to outside forces. Diplomats may be working to secure peaceful solutions or solutions where the conflicts stops with deals and ideas to proliferate concessions.

Exploring this in terms of the individual and an individual problem, it’s not difficult to see that the individual problem can be idealised as two forces or ideas or beliefs that are pulling in different directions, creating inner conflict.

A Hypno-therapeutic Model

In one of the excellent Books by Erickson and the Rossi’s, ( Hypnotic Realities ) one of the themes or ideas discussed is the Conscious and Unconscious aptitudes of an individuals behaviors relevant to a problem context.

They make the cast that conscious or cognitive biases can be a powerful agent in the inability or retardation of Unconscious or Autonomic aspects of the individual personality, memory and life experience can not easily become a resource to be utilised.

This really means that our pre-conceptions of what is possible, massively accentuated by our conscious mind ( beliefs etc ) can prevent new and natural solutions and ideas that are accessible in our repertoire of life experience coming to the front of our minds. Think of warring nations.

So hypnosis can be a vehicle to get the conscious mind distracted or depotentiated in a safe way, for a period of time thus encouraging and allowing our other than conscious resources to begin the process of affecting a solution to problems which can lead to a synthases of conscious unconscious creativity together.

Other Complementary Conceptualisations

In the Taoist, Zen and Buddhist traditions there is a recurrent theme of life as middle way, a being and a nowness. The idea is deep and founded in the early Eastern practices of spirituality. The concept is simple though not generally easy to affect in our modern way of life. The concept is transcending opposites ( usually in thoughts and words ) to open to experience.

This idea comes up again and again in self help books, therapeutic and coaching interventions yet it is the very cognitive biases ( we do it this way, that is not possible, I don’t believe that … ) we all have that can trip us up again and again, circumventing the necessary experience that can be a door to liberation.

The accent with all the generative approaches is the individual with individual work, guidance and effort can affect individual solutions. It is you that creates.

Going Beyond Our Cultural Conditioned Norms

Jiddu Krishnamurti is one of the writers I have learned a great deal from and someone who encourages a quite serious attitude of moving away from any authority as he categorically states it is the individual who gives authority to another.

So no one, really can offer solutions as an authority to someone else. Yes we can share ideas, but only the ideas, perhaps mutually explored, are of the substantive nature that can yield the fruits of generative change … psychological freedom.

Get me right here, what is being proposed as a vehicle to solutions and a certain freedom from the psychological problems is a deep, deep questioning of any assumptions or pre-conceptions of what is or is not possible. This attitude can be a fresh and nurturing harvest of exploration as a ticket to freedom.

In one of the most important explorations of cultural conditioning and freedom are the dialogs between Krishnamurti and David Bohm ( major contributor to Quantum Physics ) where the discussions explore serious psychological shock or disturbance and one pognient exchange re-evolves around neither inviting or rejecting problems of the psychological sort. Stay with this experience. This can lead to liberation!

Neither reject or invite it. Is this not a similar theme in the Western spirituality of Zen, Buddhism and Taoism? Is this not a similar approach to dissolving or congative biases, our conscious pre-conceptions? And allowing what can happen to happen? I think so.

Something To Consider …

In his ground breaking book IMAGINE, Johan Lehrer in the first chapter explores the conditions that made one of the most influential people in the music business ( it was not a business for him ) Bob Dylan.

Dylan during a massive tour of America, got very disillusioned with the whole music business. At the end of an exhausting tour decided he was finished with the music industry and would go off and live in a cabin in isolation. Write a book and really do his own thing.

So Dylan having decided he was finished with the music industry took some time out. What followed after a month or so off, he began writing some of the most influential and meaningful ( to him ) work that would transform the industry. He had no investment in performing to conventions …

For hypnotherapy in Newcastle, Jesmond and Hexham, please get in touch with me either by email or telephone.

My next appointments are December 2015 and we can talk before then. Leave your name, number and a description of the issue you want to explore.

 

Depression Hypnotherapy Newcastle

Approximately one in five people will suffer from a major clinical depression during their life time. When depression hits other symptoms are often present too and it can feel like there is no hope, no future. It can … but it doesn’t have to.

Additional symptoms of depression include worry, guilt and lack of energy to do the simplest of things. Depression is dark with deep forbidding. The major component of depression is anhedonia which literally means a lack of pleasure.

“On the lonely mountain, its all grey and I am left once more, alone in my depression”

Depression Hypnotherapy Newcastle

Depression can be triggered by many life events which can be large and negatively or lots of small negative events which can add up over time to trigger a depression. The darkest hour right now is before dawn.

Important : If you are suffering from depression see your doctor. Depression may be caused by an underactive thyroid gland which is treatable with prescription drugs like thyroxine.

The main cause of depression triggering events are losses. This can be loss of a job, a relationship, a death of a loved one or an overly negative outlook in life and the lack of decent future prospects.

The depression, or response to loss is perfectly normal. We all lose people, ideas, positions and securities during the course of our life. A reactive depression is our response to loss. After some time, weeks or even months we begin to feel better and we go on to make full recoveries.

A clinical depression is when we do not recover from loss and the symptoms persist and it feels like there is no way out or forward and the pleasures in life become scant or don’t seem to exist at all. This is a major depression.

OK So How Can Hypnotherapy Help Me?

I actually don’t know if it can. This may sound like at best a semi positive statement but it is a reality. Talking about your problem may help and talking about how you want to be can help a great deal. To focus on a solution is the way forward.

To actually discover how hypnotherapy in Newcastle could help you, you need to take the next step and arrange a free telephone consultation. Call 0770 481 8467 and we will arrange a consultation and determine how hypnotherapy can help.

With depression there is a general lack of hope so focusing your attention on a more colourful and brighter future can in itself be helpful. I know it can be very difficult to begin to imagine your future without feeling the way you do right now.

And I believe you can, on your own or more likely with professional help, make the kind of changes you need to make in order to move forwards.

Psycho Neurology of Depression

Depression is akin to one part of your brain, elevated activity in the right dorsal lateral prefrontal cortex, is associated with low moods.  There is the anterior cingulate cortex which, simplistically talks a lot of negative and depressin thoughts enough to convince the rest of the brain that is reality working along with the amygdala which has something to do with emotional or subjective pain which feels like real physical pain.

Hypnotherapy to Lift Depression

There are no guarantees but let’s say there is a real chance. What I can promise is my most sincere efforts to help you. It’s different for everyone. Hypnotherapy is a direct and subtle way of exorcising and exercising thoughts in the attempt to re-establish well being and promote mental health.

If you are suffering from depression, clinical or reactive, and you want to explore genuine ways to lift your depression and get back to leading a good life please do get in touch. Call 0770 481 8467 to arrange a free consultation and lets move to get your life back in order.

Loss, Grief and the Rekindling of Life and Relationships : Newcastle Hypnotherapy

We will all experience loss in this lifetime, this is inevitable. This can be the loss of loved people in our life, the loss of trust, faith, an old yet destructive habit or even aspects of our identity; who we believe we are.

The aftermath of loss, while initially can appear quite bleak, can be strangely  surprising and can, in the right circumstances, drawing deeply from our past, provide a quite unique and dependable foundation for our futures. And it’s mostly not that easy – that is why we suffer and grieve.

Many religions and traditions postulate there is life after death. Scientifically the likely hood of this is remotely unlikely yet there is the complete mystery of how our universe began and this may point towards a spirituality ( not religion ) we can’t ever know about in scientific terms. Is there life before death? Is surely a better exploration for us all.

I am attempting to put loss and grief into a context for positive transformation and at the same time completely honour and acknowledge the pain and suffering which will almost surely go hand in hand.

Grief Hypnotherapy Newcastle

Nikos Kazantzakis

I have very recently been to Create and following a tour to Knossos there was a short sight seeing which was concluded at the very spot this photograph was taken.

This is the grave site of Nikos Kazantzakis. Probably best know through his writing Zorba The Greek. Nikos travelled for most of his life and although a citizen of Crete he did not die there.  If you read Greek or can translate the words in the photo it is very close to …

“I Hope For Nothing, I Fear Nothing, I am Free.”

This is one of the most inauspicious tombs I have ever witnessed directly. It is also one of those experiences that will stay with me as long as I live.

Kazantzakis’s words are short and full of a deep and profound wisdom. It is akin to a very central way of being in Buddhism.

When we lose someone, something or even ourselves there is a honest and great potential to grieve and that means feel great sorrow and pain for our loss. And this is a perfectly normal and as far as I am concerned complete human emotion.

A question I asked myself in my early 20’s was, would I rather have not experiences love, delight and connection at the expense of not feeling pain, hurt and loss?

When I was much younger there were many times when this would have been an affirmative YES! Early love affairs, early ideas, hopes and dreams.  Times when the pain of loss was so awful that I would rather have not been alive.

As I age and realise the gift of life more fully and there is a very full spectrum of emotions I am able to both feel and accept, my answer to my question, for me is a certain and definitive NO.

How does anyone go about discovering meaning and purpose in life after a great loss? One story I heard provides the light of hope and although this is one man’s story and most likely not relevant to most people; put yourself in this persons shoes and perhaps you can begin to discover there are ways to both follow your wound and follow your life.

A man, married for decades wife died. He was inconsolable and very very depressed. Imagine being with your partner and soul mate for the best part of a life time and then at some point they are no longer there. Gone and that really is it. The memories live, the associations are there every day and everywhere.

He was looking desperately to stop hurting, exploring religions and spirituality to answer his question ‘Why am I here?, what purpose is there to continue?’.

His therapist asked how his partner, his wife and best friend would have dealt and coped with the situation where he to have died first. His answer was direct ‘She couldn’t it would have killed her.’

He found some purpose in his continued existence. In serving as the one who could go on, just about, and not having his love experience the loneliness and pain he did at that time. I understand he went forward for well over a decade helping people that had experienced the loss of a life partner.

If you would like a free consultation regarding moving on from loss in your life, call me. 0770 481 8467. Thank you for reading.

Trauma Hypnotherapy Newcastle

Trauma is one of those words that can conjurer up all kinds of meanings. Trauma can be defined as a situation or experience where there is / was imminent danger to the survival of an individual. This of course can come in a wide variety of flavours. Major trauma, minor trauma and those in-between.

A traumatic experience has the potential to alter how the brain and nervous system works and in some cases the ‘damage’ can seem irreparable. In terms of having a behaviour or response that seems to be fixed and set in stone.

Hypnotherapy Trauma Newcastle

Hypnotherapy Trauma Newcastle

For example a car crash, a physical assault or losing a loved one. Trauma can also be induced vicariously, that is, by witnessing a situation, or act where another person or being that is subject to horrocity. In a nut shell trauma is both a physical and psychological occurrence that can leave deep scars.

It does not have to be this way, hypnotherapy Newcastle can help you to both come to terms with and move on from what has happened.

Years of living with trauma may well take several session of hypnotherapy Newcastle to help you alleviate the undesired and unwanted emotional responses. I will do my very best to make this a minimal amount of sessions.

There are no ridiculous or completely unethical promises being made here. To quote my friend and colleague Andy, “My sincere efforts are guaranteed but the results are not.” This is completely and transparently honest.

A Personal Account of Trauma

I recall when I was around 16 years old being shown a video at school. The video showed army personal blow torching a pig till its skin blistered. Giving the pig some water, which it eagerly drank, and then continuing burning its skin to black, blistering and boiling. The pig never screamed because its vocal chords had been cut.

The head of the school I attended was reported to local authorities for showing a bunch of 16-17  year old’s this film. Some viewers cried many left the lecture room.  The topic was either Media Studies or Social Studies, one of those ‘lame’ compulsory subjects that six form college forced me to participate in.

For a long while the images and emotions haunted me. I understand the purpose of the experiment ( with the pig ) was exploring how soldiers could survive massive body burns. The experiment with the students, the 16 year old viewers was not entirely clear. It certainly left a deep impression.

Pure vicarious traumatic episode. I froze.

Trauma – The Neuro Biology

Basically we are taking about a Stress Response to environmental and or psychological events. These in tern activate the sympathetic nervous system. This means there is a great deal of adrenaline ( epinephrine ) circulating in the bloodstream.

Additionally there will be arginine vasopressin ( AVP ) and Adrenocorticotropin circulating in the blood stream mediated by activation of the hypothalamic pituitary adrenal axis. ( HPA )

This is well know as the fight / flight / freeze response.

What all this means is your blood pressure is increased, heart beating faster you are on high alert. Fat is being rapidly accessed in the form of circulating glucose to provide energy to your exercising muscles and you are biologically equipped to save your life.

After the stressor your body should return to normal in a short period of time. Prolonged stressors will keep both aspects of the stress response activated, that is the sympathetic nervous response plus the HPA response.

Collecting and Storing Traumas

Traumatic events can be thought of as being stored in the body as a frozen and solid somatic memory as well as psychological imprints. This can be understood as the ‘freeze’ response from the fight / flight / freeze.

Also escaping ( flight ) or fighting to survive in a dangerous physical and or physiological situation can leave trauma scars. This can be a one off event such as a car crash or could be multiple events such as an abusive relation or bullying at work.

Animals don’t seen to store trauma the way humans can. Animals seem to shake of excess energy and emotion after a traumatic episode and get right back on with their lives. Humans after a traumatic encounter will sometimes fail to release the energy which can come back to haunt as flash backs, startle responses or physical pain.

Hypnotherapy and Bowen Therapy in Newcastle

Treating both the psychological trauma using hypnotherapy and any physiological trauma representation using the gentle Bowen therapy techniques offers a complete range of therapy to help you heal and move forwards.

For a completely free and confidential telephone consultation regarding trauma resolution, call me, Nigel, on 0770 481 8467. Leave a message, your name and contact phone number if you get the answering machine. Calls returned within 24 working hours.

 

 

Bereavement Hypnotherapy Newcastle

Hypnotherapy Newcastle for help with bereavement and coming to terms with the deep loss and forward with hope to continue living with acceptance and gratitude to have known those who have touched us so deeply.

Bereavement is a fact of life, there can, if we think about it, be no life without death. Death and life co-define each other. We all know this yet loosing a loved one can be one of the testing times in a persons life. Hypnotherapy Newcastle can help you move forward and be living again.

Hypnotherapy Newcastle Bereavement

Bereavement or loss comes in many forms. One of the most unexpected and difficult to deal with is the loss of a child to a parent. This really is not in the natural order of things we all know and try to accept.

A Brief Case Study – Hypnotherapy Bereavement

A few years ago I was contacted by a man who had lost his daughter just over twenty years ago. He has reported he has seen counsellors and some therapists over this period and was still deeply grieving. Talking with him he really was.

This person was deeply religious and I really don’t think any of his previous ‘helpers’ had discussed his beliefs about death and the relationships between his beliefs, his daughter death and grief, perhaps it was too painful for them?

His grief was resolved in around two hours ( which is very short and remarkable ) and I saw his wife for two sessions, using a very different approach. They both reported having come to terms and being at peace.

Bereavement and Grieving Properly

It is very important to grieve properly. This does actually take some time and the very well known Kubler Ross sequence can be extremely, cognitively, helpful for a grieving person to walk through what are very normal stages of grieving and return to living. When grieving last too long it is time to seek professional and compassionate help to move forwards.

Kubler Ross Scale is in five stages which do not have to happen in this order and can have stages missed entirely. use it as a guide.

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance

I have a very good friend who is a practising Buddhist who parents died. As far as I could tell he was accepting very quickly. He loved his parents dearly yet through his training was able to accept this as a natural order of life. This is not so easily accomplished for most people.

For people who are presented with the knowledge a loved one will die before them, there is an almost incredible and usually transformational opportunity to say all of the things and do what they can together before one of then leaves this world. Pre-Grieving is a very useful and purposeful service I offer.

Pre-grieving softens the blow that we know will come and offers a compassionate and open space to prepare for one of the most impacting and transformations aspects we as living, human being will ever experience in this life time.

Hypnotherapy Newcastle Bereavement

When we have no opportunity to pre grieve and we are mourn the loss of a loved one, you really will either move on or you wont. When you can’t move on and the loss is too great this was called melancholia by Freud. Freud can often have a lot of not so positive press, partially because some of his ideas have been outdated or really upgraded. Melancholia is one thing he got right.

During a lifetime or a long time of relationship with a loved one, there will almost certainly be times where we have been experiencing a huge range of emotions with our lost love. These will be but are not limited to, love, laughter, happiness, anger, disappointment, sadness …

Grieving tends to focus on the psychological aspects of the relationship we are missing. This form of attachment is perfectly normal and usual. What is often forgotten are the harder or trickier times where the relationship was not perfect, not ideal and honestly, problematic. By re-accessing the good and the bad times it can become easier to experience the whole of the person that is gone.

By psychologically moving away from just the loss, to the the whole experiences it often, but not always, becomes a transformational experience of serious appreciations of and in life. For no matter where you have sat in the performance, it really is the greatest shown on this earth.

Contact me Nigel Hetherington, for a completely free consultation by phone which will last around 20 minutes, to get a felt sense of how I can help you move forwards and onwards at Newcastle hypnotherapy. Call now on 0770 481 8467.