We are all, without being asked or invited we are born into our life. From an early age, if we are lucky, in this order, we are introduced first to goldfish, the dog and finally people whose life and death we experience. There is no life without death, life without death would be no life at all.
Bereavement can naturally be resolved in a matter of months, around two years or for some continue to feel unresolved for much longer. Helping you to resolve loss and grief is one of the uses of hypnotherapy with me in Newcastle.
Losing a loved one is likely the most devastating event that you will ever experience. It will likely be incredibly stressful and if you are human it will most likely raise questions, thoughts and feelings made of memories, regrets, what if’s and whys?
As well as coming to terms with the loss of a loved one, there may be additional anxiety, regrets and a perfectly normal sense of a temporary hopelessness or reactive depression .
The pioneering psychologist Freud used the term melancholia ( modern day clinical depression ) to describe ‘unresolved’ emotions relating to yourself and your departed love. These are in a sense regrets, perhaps things you wanted to say or do but didn’t or things you did say or do and wish you hadn’t. This is one way of describing what is happening when, after a suitable grieving period you are not feeling any better.
Too many people try to put on a brave face and repeat the mantra ‘it will be OK’ or ‘it will be FINE’ when in trying too hard to cope are repressing their real feelings and not helping in their own healing process.
Please remember a period of, I think, required and necessary grieving is normal but you will know yourself when it is taking too long and negative emotions have dominated way longer than necessary. This is called suffering. This is where Newcastle Hypnotherapy may be able to help you.
How We React to Events – Like Death
Now, humans have predetermination to strongly avoid and react strongly to ‘Bad Events’. In the work by Tversky and Kahneman we see that for a comparative gain and loss, losses are twice as much emoted as a gain. I am taking considerable leeway here but comparing a birth and a death, a death will have double the emotions of a birth.
Of course this is no simple equation because we also have to take into account, which is actually paramount in relieving loss and grief is the meaning of such a loss and how the meaning we make will dramatically affect how and what we feel in order to heal.
We humans have an incredible spectrum of emotions that we are capable of experiencing and during intimate relationships with loved ones we will really will experience that full spectrum of emotions from the sublime to the horrible.
Viktor Frankl, a survivor from torturous conditions in concentrations camps during the Second World war wrote an incredible book ‘Mans Search for Meaning’ which documents his experiences of that blight in humanities time.
He somehow, while being beaten and in a sense tortured somehow, found a both personal and trans-personal meaning in his suffering. He imagined surviving and sharing his experience with others so such an atrocity could never happen again.
Finding meaning in any suffering is a key factor of both transforming your experience, changing how you feel and moving forward in life and knowing something good or beneficial for both yourself and others will come forth.
This is no easy task and this can seem saint like. And it is but not in the same way of say Buddha or St Theresa or Jesus. There suffering was transformative in ways that ( for good or bad ) changed the world and influenced millions of people.
Changing the meaning of your suffering need only change the meaning for you and perhaps the people you know, work with and care about. A much more manageable task.
A story of one man who lost his wife with seemingly intractable grief realised if he has have died first his wife would have been in the same positions he was and he realised she wouldn’t have coped.
Another is perhaps out of such loss, you may become closer to your remaining friends and family or you may be much more compassionate to other people experiencing grief and loss and be better able to help them.
One more is that if you did love each other so much you would know the person who died loved you so much they would want and need you to find peace.
Your Health With Prolonged Grief
The is a huge amount of not just anecdotal data but volumes of scientific data that shows that prolonged stress is detrimental to your health. From the pioneering work of Harry Harlow to Robert Sapolsky there is decreased function of your bodys natural immune system which over time could lead to additional illness.
Modern approaches completely realise grief is not just a psychological problem at all. No problem is really. This is the sum total of your complete environment which is your surroundings, the people you interact with and your inner environment from you endocrine system, thoughts emotions, memories even your blood pressure and what you eat.
It is not possible to separate say psychology from your home because there is not one without the others. All can be factors, yes some more so than others which contribute to your current state.
Grief Hypnotherapy Newcastle
When you have been suffering and struggling too long with the death of a loved one, and you are the best qualified to know its been too long. Hypnotherapy can be an effective way to deal with your emotions, loss and pain.
Call or email to arrange a free telephone consultation to see how I can help you.