An estimated 45 million people died during the Chinese famine 1958-1962. An estimated 1 million people have died as a result of the Iraq war. And a quick look at data from the Office of National Statistics reveals that 60,891 people died in January 2015 from England and Wales. Of which 298 people died in Newcastle upon Tyne.
Unless you personally knew one of the people who died during the famine, died during the war or one of the 298 that died in January 2015 you may not feel any great loss. When you know someone, a friend, a partner, a parent or child that has died, chances are that your feelings of loss are immense.
All people response to loss is essentially different in that your experiences and treasured memories of the dead will be individually unique. There is a useful model of the stages of grief by Kubler-Ross which may help you in understanding what is happening and why prolonged grieving my be happening.
The model is useful but remember it is a model and the so called stages may not always happen in the order the model dictates and it is possible to regress to previous stages.
How you deal with grief will be a uniquely individual experience and the healing that can come after is also unique to you. As humans we are all neurologically hard wired to be very loss adverse and react to bad events.
Some twenty years ago I was at my good friends fathers funeral. It was very emotional and there was literally hundreds of people in attendance.It was obvious my friend was close to tears, struggling and doing his best to honor his father.
One of my other friends ( who has lost one of his brothers ) shouted angrily and with some passion “you keep that in, be a man! You keep that in!” as if someone else can tell you how to feel and how those feelings are expressed. But it is the way the other friend has dealt with his brother dying.
So however you are dealing with loss and the emotions that accompany it, you are doing it in your own unique way. We all know that the counter point of life is death. We know this yet when we lose someone close it can take a very long time to recover and be enjoying life again.
If you are struggling with bereavement please get in touch to find out how I can help you heal, preserve your good memories and experiences and go forward with life.